The Reaganator 9000™ – The Aqua Commander-in-Chief
Product Description:
It doesn’t ride waves.
It creates them.
The Reaganator 9000™ is the only jet ski ever banned by the Geneva Convention for excessive freedom output. Built in a secret garage somewhere between Daytona and destiny, it’s got one job:
Send democracy across every body of water.
This beast runs on 100% ethanol, 10% bald eagle tears, and just a hint of Mountain Dew Code Red.
When you twist that throttle, it doesn’t just roar — it delivers a State of the Union address directly into Poseidon’s face.
Specs (or as we call them, “Facts of Freedom”):
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Engine: 900 Freedom Power Units (FPUs) — that’s one horse per founding father.
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Top Speed: Classified. (Leaked footage suggests “Mach ‘Merica.”)
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Exhaust: Shoots out small fireworks and the smell of BBQ sauce.
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Onboard Radio: Only plays Kenny Loggins, Van Halen, and the sound of capitalism thriving.
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Hull Material: Forged from melted-down Cold War trophies.
Key Features:
🔥 Patriotic Underglow so bright it tans fish.
🦅 Cupholder doubles as a beer koozie and missile silo.
💨 Self-cleaning system runs off the tears of defeated jet ski amateurs.
📢 Built-in PA system yells “SEND IT!” every time you hit a wave.
Testimonials:
“I hit one wake and accidentally declared independence again.” Kyle, Lake Havasu
“I rode it once, and my mullet grew back instantly.” Brent, age 47
“I saw Jesus, and he was shotgunning a Busch Light.” anonymous
Disclaimer:
May cause:
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Spontaneous fist bumps
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Screaming “USA!” in your sleep
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Uncontrollable urges to install a boat ramp in your backyard
🇺🇸 The Reaganator 9000™ —
Because freedom doesn’t float… it freakin’ hydroplanes.
More details
- Solid colors are 100% ring-spun cotton
- Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
- Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
- Lightweight fabric: 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Shredneck
- Email: contact@support.theshredneck.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
The Reaganator 9000™ – The Aqua Commander-in-Chief Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width | Sleeve length |
|---|---|---|---|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
16.75
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
17.88
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
19.13
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
20.38
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
21.63
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
22.75
|