The Tricky Dick 5000™ – Full Send Scandal Edition
It’s not a jet ski.
It’s not a vehicle.
It’s a deniable operation on water.
Introducing the Tricky Dick 5000™, the only Shredneck-certified, scandal-powered, fully unaccountable aquatic send machine ever built.
This bad boy doesn’t ride waves — it wiretaps them.
Built in a secret warehouse that “doesn’t officially exist,” the Tricky Dick 5000™ was engineered for people who want to look danger dead in the eyes and say:
“I am not a quitter… but I am about to do something stupid.”
⚙️ Specs:
🦅 Engine: Dual Patriot Powerplants running on Adrenaline, Gatorade, and plausible deniability.
💨 Horsepower: All of them. Plus two interns and a bald eagle.
🚀 Top Speed: Classified, but we lost radar contact at 420 knots.
📻 Audio System: Built-in cassette deck that automatically plays Fortunate Son and your incriminating voicemails.
📡 GPS: Always says “You are not here.”
Features:
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Double Peace Throttle System™: Twist both wrists and instantly summon fireworks, chaos, and suspicion.
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Self-Pardon Mode: Resets all crashes and deletes footage from the GoPro.
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Scandal-Proof Hull: 100% leak-free (unlike your group chat).
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Eagle Assist Steering: Auto-corrects when you scream “AMERICA!”
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Freedom of Navigation: Ignores all known laws of man, god, and maritime safety.
Customer Reviews:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Tried it once. I don’t remember the next 48 hours, but I woke up wearing pit vipers and holding a subpoena.” – Kyle, Lake Mead
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “The throttle got stuck, and now I’m technically in international waters.” – Randy, probably
⭐⭐⭐ “It works great, but it called Congress halfway through my ride.” – Anonymous
Warning:
Side effects include:
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Extreme patriotism
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Unexplained alibis
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Spontaneous fireworks
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And the urge to resign mid-ride “for the good of the lake.”
🇺🇸 The Tricky Dick 5000™ – Full Send Scandal Edition 🇺🇸
Because sometimes…
you don’t cover your tracks.
You hydroplane over them.
More details
- Solid colors are 100% ring-spun cotton
- Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
- Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
- Lightweight fabric: 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Shredneck
- Email: contact@support.theshredneck.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
The Tricky Dick 5000™ – Full Send Scandal Edition Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width | Sleeve length |
|---|---|---|---|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
16.75
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
17.88
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
19.13
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
20.38
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
21.63
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
22.75
|