The Washington REXecutioner™ – First in Freedom, First in Full Send
When George Washington crossed the Delaware, that was practice.
Now he’s crossing timelines — and traffic laws — on a 10-ton thunder lizard of democracy.
Introducing the Washington REXecutioner™, the first dinosaur-mounted freedom machine in recorded history.
Engineered for patriots who think horsepower is for cowards.
This isn’t transportation.
It’s a Declaration of Indescribable Chaos.
⚙️ Specs (Unearthed from a Government Storage Unit Marked “1776 Classified”):
🦖 Mount: Custom battle-bred T-Rex named “Liberty Chompers.”
🦅 Horsepower: None. Dinosaurpower. 12,000 Freedom RPMs (Roars Per Minute).
🔥 Weapon System: Dual-wielded flintlock muskets retrofitted with fireworks.
🎩 Armor: Presidential cut-off coat reinforced with bald eagle feathers.
🎵 Soundtrack: Nonstop fife and drum remixed with heavy metal and chaos.
🚀 Fuel: Patriotism, raw beef, and liquid courage.
Features:
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Freedom Saddle™: Luxurious red, white, and blue leather with integrated beer holster.
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Voice Commands: Responds only to “SEND IT!” and “FOR AMERICA!”
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Dino Traction Mode: Climbs anything short of Mount Rushmore (and it’s working on that).
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Pit Viper Vision™: Shades automatically appear when the REX hits 60mph.
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Smoke Trail Exhaust: Leaves stars, stripes, and tears of British soldiers in its wake.
Customer Reviews:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “I revved it once and the National Anthem played itself.” – Kyle, somewhere in Texas
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “Pulled up to the BBQ on a T-Rex and now I’m my town’s mayor.” – Chad, Lake Havasu
⭐⭐ “Got arrested by Park Rangers. Worth it.” – Anonymous Patriot
Warning:
Side effects include:
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Spontaneous revolutions
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High-fives from strangers
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Sudden knowledge of the Constitution
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And an 80% chance of time travel
🇺🇸 The Washington REXecutioner™ – Because when tyranny rears its ugly head… you bite it first. 🇺🇸
More details
- Solid colors are 100% ring-spun cotton
- Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
- Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
- Lightweight fabric: 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Shredneck
- Email: contact@support.theshredneck.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
The Washington REXecutioner™ – First in Freedom, First in Full Send Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width | Sleeve length |
|---|---|---|---|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
16.75
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
17.88
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
19.13
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
20.38
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
21.63
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
22.75
|